Blame
Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash
Blame is a very destructive behaviour. It doesn’t work and creates a destructive ripple effect. Social media seems to be an incredibly good facilitator for blame so be careful who you allow into your newsfeed.
If you have a problem or something hasn’t gone the way you expect then it is common to blame someone or something initially. That is quite a normal reaction in the short term. You are distancing yourself from the negative event which is usually a good thing. We often blame ourselves for the situation or we may blame other people or even inanimate objects. But you don’t want to get stuck there.
The problem with blame is that it doesn’t solve anything. You are just moving pain around. If you are blaming yourself for something - it causes you pain. If you blame someone else for something then it will cause them pain if they accept it or cause you more pain if they don’t accept the blame. Inanimate objects can’t accept blame last time I checked so you are keeping the pain.
By staying in blame you are abdicating responsibility for solving the problem or resolving the situation. How does that really feel not to be in control of your life?
So kick blame into touch. It has no useful role. You have two choices in resolving the situation that you are in:
1) Change what is going on…. or
2) Change the meaning of what is going on.
The first option is probably the easier of the two. Can you change your actual circumstances? What needs to change? Why does this need to change? Break the process down into manageable chunks and TAKE ACTION!
Remember Einstein’s definition of insanity? : “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” So stop repeating your mistakes and blaming whoever and whatever for it. Do something different.
If it isn’t possible to change the actual circumstances then you have to change the meaning of the circumstances. What rules do you have that are causing you pain in this situation? Change the rules! They are your rules! If the situation is how it is then accept it. Look at it in a different way. What is the good in this? Will this really matter in six months time? What useful lesson am I learning here? Ask yourself quality questions and change the meaning.
When would now be a good time to stop playing the blame game.
Thank you for reading.
